Most people think that if you want people to cooperate with you, you must compromise. In other words, to get something you always must give something.
But Jim Camp, negotiating coach and author of NO: The Only Negotiating Strategy You Need for Work and Home sees it another way. President and CEO of Camp Negotiation Systems, he believes that a better way of getting what you want is to begin with "no." Below are some of Camp's suggestions for getting your "no" system started:
1. Start with no. Resist the urge to compromise. Instead, invite the other person to say "no" to your proposal. (Hint: Don't tell him or her what it is -- at least not yet.) And be clear that, personally, you don't take no as rejection, but as a candid start to an honest discussion.
2. Dwell not. Dwell on what you want, and you blow your advantage. Throughout the discussion, focus instead on what you can control -- your actions and behaviors.
3. Do your homework. Learn everything you can before you begin. This way, you prevent a minefield of surprises, whether you're dealing with the boss, a car dealer, or your own teenager.
4. Face problems head-on. Identify the "baggage" -- both theirs and yours -- and bring these issues out into the open. Facing, not avoiding, problems gives you an edge.
5. Check your emotions at the door. Exercise self-control, and let go of any expectations, fears, or judgments. (And, whatever you do, don't be needy.) Sure, this is easier said than done, but it gives you an edge.
6. Get them talking. Ask open-ended questions that begin with what and how. Find out what the other person wants and needs, and then show him or her how your proposal actually benefits them.
7. Build a vision. Create a story that presents your proposal as their solution. In helping the other person see exactly what he or she will gain from your plan, you spark decision-making and action.