(Q. 4.) MY GRANDSON WENT TO COLLEGE THIS YEAR and he won't call me, or answer my text messsages, and sometimes I don't get to see him when he comes home for weekends or holidays. He seems always to be too involved with his friends.I'm especially hurt because his parents divorced when he was young and I always was his "special grandmother" who spent the most time raising him. I'm also a professional woman who could help him with college courses; and career choices if he'd only stay as close to me as he always was. I don't want to interfere with his life, but I think I can help his career.. Do you have some suggestions?
(A) EVERY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY CAN HELP a young person. But most kids don't realize it because they move through three stages: complete dependence, total independence (where he's trying to go) and then, happily, into the "interdependent" phase, when they feel safe with their independent identity and remember those who loved them, and return to meet on equal, adult footing. If you can be patient, hopefully your grandson will eventually come back to that good place and value you again. Some elders say that they grow smarter in their kids' and grandkids' eyes each year as the kids grow older.