(Q.2) I CAME TO AMERICA FROM THE UK three years ago when my wife was offered a wonderful job here and I started a small on line business that is beginning to do well. Unfortunately, my 89-year-old mother, who had to move to a nursing home last year, has behaved so badly the administrators asked me to remove her. After considering several solutions, I decided I must return to the UK, take Mum back to our old flat and stay there to care for her. I plan to hire care-givers to take over every few months so I can come back and visit my wife of five years, whom I adore. I feel so guilty about disappointing my wife, but even more guilty about deserting my mother since I am her only child. Can you think of some other solution?
(A) ABSOLUTELY. AN OLD LADY'S REWARD FOR BAD BEHAVIOR should not be the full-time return of guilty Sonny Boy. Solution One is move Mum to another nursing home with the warning that it's up to HER to get along or you'll move to Solution Two, which is to move her back to the flat with full time care-givers, and return several times a year to visit with HER (not the other way around which is visiting your wife occasionally.). Consider that when you married you vowed to "cleave unto her". That's the wife, not Mum. Life is not a dress rehearsal and you deserve to live it. There is no reason to feel guilty since you are not "deserting " Mum. You're providing for her properly.