Ask Dr. Job’s chief contributor, Sandra Pesmen, is a member of the Chicago Journalism Hall of Fame and author of “DR. JOB’s Complete Career Guide.”

Winner of several journalism awards, Pesmen is a graduate of the University of Illinois Media College at Urbana, and is listed in several Who’s Who editions. She also has been Corporate Features Editor of Crain Communications Inc., founding Features Editor of Crain’s Chicago Business and a reporter/features writer for The Chicago Daily News.

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Holiday Romance vs. Job

Your personal life absolutely influences your career, and at holiday time many people begin thinking about making a commitment to someone they love, giving engagement rings, etc., as gifts.  

But remember, the person you choose may influence where you’ll live, how ambitious you will be at the office, how much time you’ll want to devote to home and family, and many other variables.


Authors and relationship coaches Diane and Mario Cloutier offer some to help you choose the right partner in their new book,  Relovenship™ - Look Within to Love Again!        .


Here are questions they suggest you ask:


  1. Are my feelings towards the holidays blinding me from the new relationship possibilities?

Go back in time. If your experience with the year-end celebrations is filled with loving memories of your folks hugging each other or older siblings endlessly kissing their new significant other by the fireplace, it could explain your inclination for wanting your new love interest by your side. On the other hand, if all you can recall of each holiday season is time spent alone in front of the TV, or the memory of a "new Mom" introduced to you around this time each year, chances are you'll look at the season as an opportunity to pause in your new relationship. Either way, don't let your feelings for the holidays blur your vision for what the relationship could become.


  1. What do I want this new relationship to become?

The answer here determines if you'll need to consider question 3: Do you want this to be a long lasting relationship, or are you still not sure if this person is a good match for you? If it's the latter, stop here and know that your relatives will have your undivided attention when you sit together around the turkey.


  1. Why do I want someone with me at the family event?

Be honest here. Is it because you just want to shut up Aunty Jane and her relentless questions about why you haven't met someone? Is it because you're lonely during the holidays and everyone else is paired up? Or, are you just afraid he or she will forget about you and you'll end up alone again? Whatever it is, be truthful and assess the real reason that makes you contemplate asking anybody to spend an evening with Aunty Jane this early in a relationship.


  1. How many of my "meaningful people" will be attending?

This is a biggy for us. One of the personal laws we never compromise on is: "Meaningful people deserve befitting introductions." Who are those people in your life -- your parents, your children, your siblings? If they are that meaningful, please don't put them through a group introduction with your new flame. They're worth more than that. Besides, what's the rush? You and your new love are in it for the long run, aren't you? ###


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